During my counseling program, self-care was introduced as a mandate for clinical mental health professionals, and it was reinforced at every turn. Creating time and space for self-care felt nearly impossible to many of us juggling courses, clinical work, counseling organizations, and everyday lives. However, looking back four months after graduation, I can see how taking self-care from an idea to a habit necessarily required daily practice, reflection, and integration into our work and lives. Given the need for humans to recharge in order to keep producing high-quality work in all roles and organizations, I wonder if we can reimagine and create a world where self-care is a mandate for all.

Permission to engage in self-care

This idea of self-care as a mandate was missing from my prior corporate career. What is puzzling about this is employees, managers, and leaders are frequently emitting and absorbing the energies, thoughts, and emotions of others, often without realizing it. I was very aware of this exchange, so I gave myself permission for self-care. This was not always the popular belief or practice to prioritize oneself nearly equally with one’s work, so I often found myself on an island creating boundaries, space, and time for reflection and processing. That was until I discovered the IMDb culture within Amazon and what balance looked like as an expat in the UK with the Amazon Advertising team. Time off was taken very seriously.

My time in London reinforced the importance of protecting my evenings, weekends, and time away. I limited my work travel both before and after becoming a parent. I prioritized the most critical work and meetings, even in global roles, to make space for life outside of work. It was not without tension or thinking about work during my time off and away, but I took the space anyway to recharge and make sense of a system that was not designed for wellbeing. I intentionally missed out on some promotions and special projects because I protected my time, and these were opportunities I did not want because they did not align with my values. The most important opportunities, projects, and promotions came when leadership and I had alignment in values and I was valued for my work, not for how much I worked.

The why behind the mandate for mental health professionals

As helpers and healers, we pick up on and engage with the mental and emotional state of our clients. We mentalize their worlds, and we empathize cognitively and affectively in the healing process. Moving from the theory of self-care to establishing it as part of my clinical practice helped me see how essential it is to take care of ourselves after creating a container and holding physical, mental, and emotional space for others. For leaders, managers, and employees reading this, aren’t you also holding space for your employees, customers, shareholders, families, and friends who may benefit from you taking time out for self-care?

Sometimes we may be going through or have gone through a similar experience as clients and need to separate what is theirs versus ours. This is important to do both in and out of sessions with clients to ensure clients and their needs are the focus. Creating a habit of self-care also allows us to model this for our clients, many of whom may not yet have a habit of self-care and can pick up on what we’ve created and experiment until they’ve built their own version of self-care. When I was still in corporate and as a counselor in training, I attempted to model self-care to others by setting work and client hours that gave space for work and life that carry me into the profession post-graduation.

Creating space for self-care

Creating space in our lives to take care of ourselves may be easier said than done. For some, it may sound very difficult because it also means we are not making space for something else and we can feel guilt, maybe even shame, that we did something bad or are bad to take time for ourselves. However, how do we take care of others if we are also not taking care of ourselves? Metaphors of putting our oxygen mask on first and pouring from an empty cup come to mind.

There is a reality many of us may face by putting ourselves first sometimes. Some may be disappointed, frustrated, or upset if we pause, slow down, say no, or stop doing something to take care of ourselves. Disappointment can be a natural part of relationships, and setting boundaries can be a natural way to love others and ourselves at the same time. We may feel anxious to prioritize self-care, so it is worth asking ourselves two simple questions and consider what thoughts and feelings come up to approach it from a wise mind:

What might I gain if take care of myself?
What might I lose if I take care of myself … or don’t?

Developing clarity about what works for you

So, what now? Maybe you’re ready to give yourself permission to take time for yourself to be well, and maybe you are finding ways to create space to do that. What does self-care mean and look like for you? Self-care is not a one size fits all phenomenon. We are each wired in a special way to find energy from some things, and some things may drain us. Also, different moments may call for other needs to be met, whether it is on our own or with others, in active movement or in stillness. Part of the process is learning what works for you and adapting as the moment or your needs evolve.

For some, self-care may look like engaging in physical activity for health, fitness, or a release of excess energy. For others, it may involve social time with colleagues, family, and friends. Others yet may enjoy travel and adventures to learn about other cultures, be inspired, experience awe, and feel part of something bigger than themselves. For many, it may involve therapy or other healing treatments like getting a massage or receiving acupuncture. For me, self-care most often feels like spending time with loved ones, going for a run, taking my dog for a walk, cooking a nice meal, or sitting in stillness, mindful observation, and reflection. Trying different things and reflecting on what forms of self-care energize versus deplete us can facilitate awareness, deepen clarity, and increase confidence in what we ask for and do for ourselves.

When to practice self-care

Finding a good time of day for self-care at the start, middle, and/or end of your day can help set others’ expectations this is time for you or time together. Creating any new habit takes time, patience, and practice. Pausing to celebrate the wins can shift our narratives about what taking care of ourselves means. Treating missed moments of self-care as opportunities to find the next one instead of a failure can keep us grounded when we feel stretched. Showing yourself some grace and self-compassion along the journey can go a long way to making the self-care habit stick.

Ready to Transform