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The end of summer and start of fall introduces a literal and figurative season of change for all of us. Days become shorter, weather may start to shift, and a beckoning for focus and restoration may be upon us. The return to school demands a return to routine for students and families who may have enjoyed more relaxed schedules and operating on their own time. Others may welcome and value the structure over spontaneity as that is how they may operate best. Either way, change is here, and it can bring up many different thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, which may be informed by whether we welcome or resist the natural change.
Listening to Ourselves in Seasons of Change
The liminal space, moving from one season to the next, can be destabilizing as we try to figure out how to let go of one and hold onto another. The in between space can feel really unsettling, like we are floating and not touching the ground, as we are in a process of change and adaptation. The more we resist the natural order of things, the harder it can feel. The antidote is to embrace the discomfort, attune and tend to it, and listen to what it is telling us. Is there something we need to shift? Is there something we are learning about ourselves? Are there hard truths arising that feel unwanted but need to be heard? We do not have to feel like the liminal space is happening to us. We can let it in like a trusted friend sharing an observation with us with our best interests in mind.
Moving from Certainty to Clarity
Many individuals experience a strong pull to know how the next story will go before making a decision, which is how we can find ourselves stuck in something that no longer serves us as we hope for 100% certainty we will experience a particular outcome. At the heart of this dilemma is the attempt to maximize our gains and minimize our losses with imperfect information. I often tell clients we can never have 100% certainty how something will go and a lot of the work is about letting go of the illusion we can have that guarantee. The task instead is accepting we can do our best to create clarity for ourselves, anticipate how things are likely to go, and sit with each option long enough to gauge if we can live with it before acting.
Acting too quickly or impulsively can lead to regret or remorse, but acting too slowly can lead to the same. Both are in the eye of the beholder or sometimes in the eye of the supporters who offer us feedback along the way. The best we can do is learn from these experiences, meet ourselves where we are at with self-compassion and generosity, and remember we never lose the opportunity to learn and grow.
Anticipating the Shift
It is sort of like trying change on for size before taking the first step towards change. We may feel fearful of certain changes, so listen to that fear and sit with it a bit longer. What do we imagine for ourselves and others in our lives? What is the best that can happen? Recognizing change can be hard as it comes with gains and losses, where do we see ourselves six months, twelve months, or two years down the line? Who are we becoming? What are we holding onto and what are we giving up if we change something or nothing? Say we decide to stay in a job, relationship, or home that doesn’t fully serve us, what can we accept and what is still in our power to change? Can we think of it or experience it differently?
Experiencing Momentum in the Liminal Space
Clients in my clinical room are often navigating transitions and the liminal space across all seasons. Many are just now entering a space of clarity after navigating the liminal space of knowing they want something else and feeling unsure if it will be better than their current situation or circumstances. It took weeks, months, or years across various cases living and being a certain way before moving into weighing what to do. It is an especially fruitful time for many beginning, ending, or shifting schools, jobs, intimate or familial relationships, homes, and more after working through their subjective experiences and options.
Taking a leap of faith to recommit, leave, or adjust relies on clients’ capacity for reflection, belief in themselves to be successful, resilience to rebound after challenge and change, and resources inside and outside of themselves to see it through. They have prepared for this moment, and they are in the fall harvest period.
Seeking Support for Times of Change
Not all clients enter periods of change with these beliefs, tools, or resources, which can be part of the work in the therapeutic room. Learning and growth are possible for all of us, and therapists are guides, educators, and champions in the process. If you find yourself in a liminal space and seeking support, you do not have to go at it alone.